Clarity from Chaos

By: Dave Campbell

A Brilliant Life

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4 Achievable Steps for Turning Burnout into Brilliance

By Denise R. Green

 

Stress is eroding the lives of too many of today’s professionals. A landmark study by the Mayo Clinic identified the traits associated with workplace stress and burnout, including emotional exhaustion, bitter cynicism, a plummeting sense of accomplishment and “a tendency to view people as objects rather than as human beings.” Whether you suffer from all these symptoms or just one or two, know that life doesn’t have to be this way.

We’re all born with a spark, and then life piles on. But it’s possible to clear off the muck so you can shine brilliantly again.

Brilliance occurs when you feel a sense of freedom and agency over your life — ease instead of struggle, and freedom instead of feeling trapped in a toxic body, relationship, thought pattern or job. Brilliance is the opposite of burned out, and a serious upgrade from blah. Through incremental and attainable steps, you can reignite that flame within you that has dimmed over the years.

Consider what brilliance can mean across different areas of your life — your mind, your body, your relationships with others and your relationship with technology. For example, your mind and inner world are brilliant when you feel a sense of ease, gratitude and confidence. Your body attains brilliance when you feel strong, grounded, energized and rested; when you have relationships that are full of ease, trust and curiosity; and when you have strong boundaries around your use of technology.

Use these four achievable steps to turn your stress around, and to find your way back to a brilliant life that shines with purpose and fulfillment.

  1. Tame your thoughts.Getting hooked on emotionally charged narratives of anger, resentment, guilt or fear can have devastating consequences for your physical and mental well-being, affecting your emotional and physiological circuitry in powerful ways. Upgrade your thoughts by noticing when you think the original painful thought. Catch yourself thinking, and replace the painful thought with an upgraded belief that brings relief and prompts better actions. Repeat the new belief over and over until it becomes an embedded belief. Use daily routines as cues to remember to repeat your upgraded thought, like brushing teeth or before entering a meeting. In this way, you become the director of your life, empowered to change the script (and ending), rather than a mere actor performing at the whim of your brain’s habitual thinking.
  2. Exude authentic confidence.Truly confident people exude both warmth and strength. Aligning your outward appearance and actions with who and how you want to be in the world can improve your self-perception, as well as other’s perceptions of you. You can make changes to improve your confidence almost instantly: get a great haircut, improve how you dress, make eye contact, smile, stand and sit with good posture and keep your chin level with the floor. Changes to your physiology can take more time and effort, such as losing weight and feeling rested and alert. Exercising with weights or boxing will eventually create physical strength and a sense of empowerment that will carry over into your interactions.
  3. Nurture brilliant relationships.Toxic encounters switch on your sympathetic nervous system, putting your brain in a threat state where you’re less able to access your “intelligent” brain, the prefrontal cortex. To live a brilliant life, you must attract and nourish relationships that make you happy, healthy and more effective in your life. You need people who make you laugh, who pick you up on a bad day and who remind you of your brilliance. If you’re unhappy with your relationships, what qualities do you need to improve in yourself to build and sustain brilliant relationships? Do you need to be more appreciative? A better listener? More forgiving? Do you need to seek out new friends in places you like to frequent, like coffee shops or workout classes? Take steps to improve your relationships and connect with positive people. You can start by telling people how much you value them.
  4. Manage your relationship with technology.Most of us don’t use technology as much as we let it use us. Technology has created a “constantly on” environment where we actually have less free time. It takes incredible willpower to resist our screens, but our addiction to technology and our mobile devices allows us less space to just be. It also zaps our productivity. If you want to have productive, fulfilling days, you must mindfully choose not to fall into the social media or news and entertainment rabbit hole. Turn off sound notifications, leave your phone behind in meetings and choose face-to-face conversations whenever possible.

 

Remember this about brilliance: It’s not a destination you reach and then set up camp. It’s more like a journey with unpredictable twists and turns. It’s easy to fall off the path, but with attention and shifting, you can find your way back again.

 

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Denise R. Green is a speaker, writer and executive coach committed to helping people go from burned-out (or blah) to brilliant. After a successful career with Oracle Corporation and Charles Schwab, Denise founded Brilliance Inc., a coaching corporation whose purpose is to unleash human potential. For more than a decade, she and her team have helped thousands of people feel less stressed, and have more ease and fulfillment in all areas of their lives. Her new book, Work-Life Brilliance: Tools to Break Stress and Create the Life & Health You Crave (Brilliance Publishing, April 2017) is about reigniting one’s internal spark. She has also authored the ebooks: Conversations for Brilliance, Influence the Boss, and How to Say No With Grace, Not Guilt. Learn more at BrillianceInc.com.

Transform Your Leadership Style

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4 Emotional Intelligence Skills to Transform Your Leadership Style

By Steven Stein, Ph.D.

In today’s work settings, many of the old-style hierarchical and authoritarian styles of leadership have become obsolete. We’ve witnessed significant strides in replacing rewards-punishment “transactional” management styles — that have mostly proven unproductive — with “transformative styles” in which organizational leaders inspire their teams to achieve a collective purpose.

And yet we’re still in the transition zone where we need more leaders equipped with the skills that combine interpersonal abilities, including empathy and trust, with the capacity to model creative problem solving when faced with tough situations. We refer to this skill set as Emotional Intelligence, or EI. The awareness that EI is an important job skill — in some cases even surpassing technical ability — has grown in recent years.

In simple terms, EI is the ability to identify and manage emotional information in oneself and in others. But, we continue to experience a scarcity of this new brand of leadership talent. According to a global survey by Deloitte, leadership was rated the most urgent concern when considering gaps in workforce readiness.

Why haven’t we done a better job of cultivating emerging leaders? One reason is that we continue to mistakenly believe good technical or sales skills translate to good management skills. The thinking seems to be: if they excel at analyzing, fixing, selling and so on, then they can likely lead others to excel as well. But these skills and competencies have little to do with being a good leader.

Another erroneous standard of leadership talent is mistakenly assuming that high IQ is a predictor of leadership strength. While it’s likely that leaders have higher IQs than followers, the qualities that make up strong leaders go far beyond one’s cognitive intelligence.

Finally, choosing leaders based on personality remains widespread.  Characteristics such as aggressiveness and extroversion, that tend to stand out in job candidates, don’t always correlate with self-awareness, flexibility and influencing others. The forceful leaders may be good at giving orders, but that doesn’t always translate into inspiring subordinates into action.

The traits that new bodies of research confirm as the most effective in improving workplace morale — and the bottom line — directly relate to qualities associated with EI. After gleaning results from the largest database of EI test scores in the world, researchers have identified four pillars of EI that form the foundation of competencies needed to buttress today’s business world for success now and into the future.

The good news is that EI traits can be cultivated and improved. Practice these four pillars of EI to transform your personal and organizational leadership style:

  1. Express authenticity on every level.Acting without integrity can be the kiss of death in today’s world. Today’s best leaders must be viewed as credible, fair and “real.” Bombastic, arrogant and dominating people are out. For today’s leaders, humility is a strength. People will respect you more and go the extra mile if they think you are real.
  2. Coach others to realize their full potential.Today’s more equitable workplaces run on collaboration and mentoring, not policing. The best leaders coach their teams through tactics as simple as “management by walking around” and one-on-one meetings where they listen to employees’ concerns, offer feedback and guidance and take responsibility for removing any roadblocks.
  3. Communicate the organization’s mission in a way that inspires employees, suppliers and customers.More and more companies are realizing they are not in business just to make money or produce a product. Developing a sense of higher purpose (for example, Google’s mission is “to organize the world’s information and make it universally accessible and useful”) heightens engagement and motivation for employees and other stakeholders, which helps attract and retain the right people. Insightful leaders communicate a purpose, meaning and vision, and express a hopeful view of the future.
  4. Encourage innovation and risk-taking.More success will accrue to organizations that encourage their employees to think creatively and champion new ideas. That doesn’t mean everyone gets their own R&D budget, but it does require that leaders give their people more autonomy and license to explore changing customer needs and provide a fair, safe and encouraging hearing when employees propose new ideas. They also need to be understanding when new, risky ideas don’t succeed. Innovative leaders spur imaginative and autonomous thinking and see challenges as learning opportunities.

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Steven Stein, Ph.D., is a leading expert on psychological assessment and emotional intelligence. He is the founder and CEO of Multi-Health Systems (MHS), a leading publisher of scientifically validated assessments. Dr. Steven Stein is the author and coauthor of several books on emotional intelligence, including his new book, The EQ Leader: Instilling Passion, Creating Shared Goals, and Building Meaningful Organizations through Emotional Intelligence (Wiley, May 1, 2017), and the international best-seller, The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success. He has consulted for military and government agencies, corporations and professional sports teams. Dr. Stein has also consulted on numerous reality TV shows, providing psychological expertise and candidate screening. He has appeared on more than 100 TV and radio shows throughout North America. For more information, visit drstevenstein.com

Turning Naysayers into Innovators

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Three Practical Ways to Turn Naysayers into Innovators

by Ed Harrington

Finding new product ideas and innovations to excite customers requires colossal creative effort and a certain comfort level with risk-taking. The considerable effort to take a product from idea to development to launch is both time and energy intensive. If it also demands dealing with naysayers at the table who poke holes in every idea expressed along the way, valuable momentum is lost.

It’s important to acknowledge that we all have an inherent bias against venturing into unknown territory. We’re descendants of risk adverse ancestors whose self-preservation instincts served them well in a time when potential danger lurked behind every boulder or bush. But in today’s world where innovation rules the day, our survival necessitates overcoming these ingrained behavioral biases that hinder new ideas and stifle creative solutions.

Take for example Negativity Bias: We’re conditioned to allow negative impressions to form more quickly than positive ones. A seminal study has proven that, in our minds, bad is stronger than good — negative information, experiences, and even negative people have a stronger effect on us than positive ones. When Negativity Bias joins us at the table, it can stymie even the most adept thinking — like trying to run with lead shoes.

Negativity Bias often keeps us from voicing creative ideas for fear of being thought foolish, impractical, or just plain odd. Yet, early in the innovation process, ideas should be golden nuggets that expand our thinking and promote discovery. When we err on the side of caution and believe that early-stage ideas need to be fully formed and complete, we automatically lapse into judgment mode instead of discovery mode. To preempt this natural tendency, each member of the group needs to set out in the spirit of contributing half-baked, even impractical ideas, just to see where they might lead.

To get past our individual and collective Negativity Bias when the goal is to create something new, turn to these three useful practices:

  1. Consciously change from “Yes, but…” to “Yes, and…” language.Groups effectively kill innovative ideas with “Yes, but…” comments. Purposely using “Yes, and…” emphasizes what people are in favor of, and invites broader participation. It helps the team respond to new ideas in a way that illuminates their potential while also acknowledging that ideas don’t have to be perfect at the outset.
  1. List what you’re for along with what you wish for.When you think of a new idea, make a list of the aspects that are interesting or promising about it (what you’re for), and that show its potential. Don’t worry about addressing any problems with the idea. Instead, focus on what’s good about it. Next to the for list, make a list of what you wish for with the idea. This isn’t a list of cons, but focuses on the issues within the idea that may require problem solving. Use language when you propose wish for items, such as “How might we…(reduce the cost);” or “I wish…(it could be safe).” Finally, use the wish for list and try to generate solutions. This method allows you to optimize the original idea.
  1. Let humility keep you honest.No one has the complete picture, ever. Imposing idea-killing pronouncements when the group is striving for creative ideas is not only counter-productive, it smacks of arrogance. It’s possible to extract value from even the most outlandish ideas if you give them proper consideration. Let humility give you the space to become more playful in the creative process and get the most out of every idea.

Rewire Your Thinking

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In a recent interview with Ms. Bijou we discussed simple ways that you could begin to rewire your thinking in order to help begin to resolve some of the destructive negative thinking we all find ourselves doing from time to time.  Enjoy the insights of one of the leading Therapist in the country.

Jude is the Founder of Attitude Reconstruction, Teacher, Trainer and Workshop Leader of Attitude Reconstruction and Communication.  In addition she is the best selling author of:  Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life    which has won the following awards:

  • 2012 Winner of Benjamin Franklin Award
  • 2012 Fore Word Reviews Gold Award in both Self-Help and Psychology
  • 2012 Silver Nautilus Award in Self-Help, Personal Growth, Psychology
  • 2012 Winner Los Angeles Book Festival in How-to category
  • 2012 Living Now Book Awards, Gold Medal Winner Personal Growth
  • 2012 International Book Awards, Winner Health: Psychology/Mental Health

Says Who

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Ask 7 Questions to Banish Negative Thoughts  

By Ora Nadrich

We have some 60,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day, and many of them are negative: I can’t do that. I’m not good enough. It’s never going to happen for me. I don’t deserve this. As we embark on a new venture or work toward a new goal, they pop up and wreak havoc on our plans and self-confidence.

Since thoughts create beliefs, which then create behaviors, negative thoughts can undermine us right into a standstill. But there’s a way to stop negative thoughts right in their tracks. All it takes is challenging them with 7 direct questions, starting with: Says Who?

Here are the seven questions we need to ask to disarm those negative thoughts:

  • Says Who?Whenever a negative though pops into your head, ask it: Says Who? The question exposes a negative thought for exactly what it is: a doubt that can disrupt your life and damage your sense of well-being.
  • Have I heard someone say this thought before?So many of the voices in our head are actually echoes. They’re old words we heard someone else say to us, such as a parent, spouse, or boss. By identifying the originator of the thought, you can find out if it really belongs to you. Many times, it doesn’t.
  • Do I like this thought?Go ahead and ask yourself: Is this thought desirable or appealing? If not, then ask yourself: why are you thinking it? If you don’t like what you’re hearing, you don’t have to listen.
  • Does this thought make me feel better? Negative thoughts tear us down instead of build us up. They seep into our psyches, wreaking havoc. Ask yourself: Is this thought making you feel better or worse about yourself? If it doesn’t enhance your self-esteem in any way, why are you thinking it?
  • Does this thought work for me? Is this thought useful or productive for you? With this question, you can take a look at whether or not a thought supports your desires or goals. If not, why are you thinking it?
  • Am I in control of this thought? –Does this thought have any kind of hold or power over you? Or, are you in control of it? If not, ask yourself why you would let a thought have power to control you. Remember, you are the commander of your own thoughts, not the other way around.
  • Do I want to keep this thought or let it go?With this question, you’re finding out if you want to hold on to a thought that serves no useful purpose for your well-being. If it’s not doing you any good, it’s probably doing you bad. So let it go.

Make it habit (like brushing your teeth) to ask these questions every day. Soon you will find yourself on the way eliminating the negative thinking that slows you down, and turning those hecklers into your own cheering squad. Then you can get on with your life. You can identify your goals, attain improved inner awareness and realize more fulfillment — in your life, career, and relationships. It all starts with a question: Says Who?